Sunday, July 6, 2008

wedding perspective

The way people refer to weddings they attend say a lot about their perspective on weddings. When people refer to weddings from their point of view, it reveals that they think of themselves as center.
I don't necessarily mean that when you refer to your cousin's wedding by saying "My cousin's wedding" you are being selfish. However, when you refer to that wedding as "My fifth wedding this summer," it tells me that you are more concerned with people knowing how many weddings you go to than the fact that you have a cousin who has made a commitment to love.

The way they describe the wedding also reveals their perspective. Follow along in the conversation below:
"How was the wedding?"
"I did not like the color scheme." or "The food was delicious." or "I had to wait a really long time in between the ceremony and reception." or "That was the best cake I ever had."
Did you notice the word "I" a lot in those statements?
Look instead at the following responses:
"How was the wedding?"
"The bride was beautiful." or "You could tell how much they loved each other." or "The father-of-the-bride cried; it was moving." or "Everybody was dancing at the reception."
In the latter conversation, you can tell that there were actually other people at the wedding other than the person talking. That person also refers to the bride and groom!

Pictures tell the perspective. I admit, at the last wedding I went to, I took two pictures of the bride and one of the groom. The rest were of the other guests I was visiting with. It's a shame to show pictures of weddings attended and there is not a single one of either bride or groom. I understand the thought process "I don't want to intrude; they're awfully busy." or even, "why waste the picture when you know lighting is bad?" However, the cake doesn't go anywhere for the first half of the reception - was there a picture of that? or other decorations? Can people tell there was a wedding other than the fact that some people in the picture have matching dresses or tuxes? Does it look any different from a prom except the fact that we're too old to go to one?

I must say these thoughts come out too much of what I've seen from my peers and even myself. I have been known to count off my weddings to people. I also have tossed in a few wedding pics into a general "Summer" album as if it were just something else I did one season. I have been known to describe weddings in terms of what I got out of it. I have judged them based on my needs. That doesn't make it right. It does not mean I do not get bothered when I see people refer to one of their good friends' weddings as "My second one this summer" instead of "My friend's wedding". Currently in my facebook photo queue, I literally have both of those headings back to back and I can tell you which person has a healthier perspective on friendship, weddings, and life.

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