I can't really say I was hiding, because I really wasn't.
But I didn't think I was ready to be in the public.
I started this particular blog as a way to get myself writing knowing that nobody was reading. It is completely opposite of what I really wanted - which is exactly why I wanted it.
It's good for me to not get what I want... which is to have an audience who affirms me.
Because I need to realize that there should only really be an audience of one. Or I suppose two.
But now I've been found. And I can't feel violated, because I wasn't hiding. I just didn't tell anybody.
It's actually good that I've been found, because in my writing this "secret" blog, I have discovered that it became a place I would run and hide. I could be vulnerable here. I could say things and not worry about being grammatically correct or politically correct. And in being that place, I came to depend on it.
I know I've really only posted a few on this new post, but the idea of it was like a security blanket. We shouldn't need security blankets.
So damned if I do, damned if I don't... welcome to my blog.
I really can't thank you enough for reading :)
5 weeks ago