Well I hope you read the verses on my previous post, because they are what I will be referring to tonight. Last week in Sunday School, we discussed those verses and then later in the week, when I was struggling, they came to mind. The following is what I wrote up in response to what was going on in my mind:
It's weird to write these things down. Because writing them down makes it permanent. It at least makes it real. And the last thing I want to do is make the crazy thoughts in my head real.
I know they're crazy, cause well, they're not "right". By any standard. The fact that I even know that means that I myself am not crazy.
And since I am not a crazy person but am having crazy thoughts, something else must be putting them in my head.
I know exactly what that something is. Eph 6:12 tells me that it is darkness. I am letting darkness in.
Acknowledging that, however, actually just complicates things. Because now it has to up its game, so it plays the reverse psychology game and flips things around.
First it tries to convince me I am crazy. That there's actually something wrong with me. That I'm disturbed, messed-up and overall - unrighteous. The fact the thought even came to my mind means I'm a defect of God and not wanted in this Kingdom.
And if that weren't enough, the darkness then plays the legalism card. Because obviously I'm a good Christian who didn't cave when it came to doubting my faith, the legalism card is actually very clever to use (nobody said the darkness was stupid). Any "good Christian" knows to cut off your hand if it causes you to sin and to poke out your eyes.
I mean, sin is a big deal (I'm not being facetious here). And I honestly think sometimes Satan uses that very fact to keep us from doing good. He makes us throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Because that hand of mine that caused myself to sin is the same hand that serves God. And there's nothing Satan wants more than to cut off the hands and feet of God's workers.
So what happens is that we go along, serving the Lord and somewhere along the lines, Satan takes something good and turns it bad. First, he hopes we'll ignore it. Then, once we discover it, he makes us feel guilty. When that doesn't work, he convinces us to stop trying altogether, in fear of "screwing up" again. All along, Satan's the one that messed us up.
Like in the Lion King, when Scar killed Mufasa, but made Simba feel guilty for it and Simba ran away, leaving his Kingdom in the hands of Scar. Yikes.
So those were the thoughts I wrote down last week. And I think they are very relevant when we are struggling. We need to remember that the fight isn't against ourselves; we are not the enemy. The fight is against Satan. Let's arm ourselves with the belt of truth - and not let Satan's lies fool us. Let's wear the helmet of Salvation and always remember we are redeemed. The breastplate of righteousness so we never believe we are defects of God. Let us carry the Sword of the Spirit, so we can fight back with Scripture that promises us we will always be loved, always be accepted, always be sanctified. We are not screw-ups.
No longer will I let Satan's schemes keep me from serving God.