Tuesday, January 22, 2008

stirred, not shaken

im not going to try to figure out who caused it, cause i wont presume to blame God for something Satan did, or even give Satan credit for something God did on purpose...

but i had a plan. an idea. a faith in something happening.
a resolution, for crying out loud.

i want to move out. sooo bad. in our apt today, we actually had a mouse crawling around in our pantry, up where we keep the food. and then later, we found a texas-sized cockroach crawling on top of our kitchen table. yeah, ok i dont have to paint much more of a picture of why i want to move out of this shoebox (im seriously tempted to compare the measurements to my classroom, cause i honestly think my classroom is bigger).

so yeah, thats the plan. move out. we even had days set aside to visit some of the complexes we saw online. and im thinking "finally, we're able to accomplish this financial goal ive had forever"
and then andrew's car goes kaput. stops working. estimated cost about the same as the car itself. the old piece of junk car.

and my perfect plan now has a huge kink in it. and the first thought of andrews mouth is that we really cant afford an apt now. we have to postpone the dream ive postponed for too long.

at first, i started to believe it. and well it very well could be true. i dont know.

but this is what i do know - that God will not let us down. That God will provide. how? i dont know. i doubt it'll be in the way we expect. a new car would be nice. a generous mechanic is acceptable. a better paying job for andrew w/the same flexibility would be great. i'll even take a better exterminator/attitude. some random huge checks in the mail sound good too. or even something i cant possibly dream up myself.
but its not my job to say how. its just my job to say Yes. Yes, Lord, I believe in your miracles. I've seen too many to start doubting now.

like i said, i dont know if it's Satan trying to rock my faith in God by taking away what's most precious to me, or if it's God trying to teach me a lesson in faith/patience/humility, etc. but either way, I won't give up believing God is in control.

in the meantime, I invite you to witness my miracles. the journey is not over, and im not giving up. the stories you give me to tell are worth all the suffering.

1 comment:

Darcie said...

Hey Friend, I just said a prayer for you. I hope things look up soon ;)