I just am.
Perhaps it was my brother's death 13 years ago, but I've always had a fascination for life and death and all things involved. I can't tell you how much thought I have put into my own funeral.
Today I went to another funeral. This one was for a stranger. I had never met her or seen her before. The most I knew of her was the obituary I read that morning. But she was the mother of one of my students, and our presence this morning meant a lot to that student.
And I was struck by this stranger. This woman who had lived life so abundantly. She was so full of life, even when struck with a tragic disease that eventually took her away. Even during the final stages of cancer, she exclaimed, "God has been so good to me!" The pictures during the opening slide show were full of smiles and laughter; adventure and fun. The words spoken of her were of her leadership, humility, service and grace. She was full of joy and loved to plan. She was an inspiration.
And my morbidity came to mind again, and I thought about how precious life was. But not in the typical "What if I die tomorrow?" sense, but the "What if I die at 46 from cancer?" sense... which is actually a bit different. If I die tomorrow, it's all about how I live today. But thinking about dying at 46 gives me a bigger picture of how I'm planning to live my life abundantly. Is my life an adventure?
Will my slideshow show me smiling, laughing and that I'm full of joy? Am I leaving a legacy for my children? Will I have a lifetime of leadership? As I'm growing, am I focusing on showing God's love through my joy?