Today I felt like quitting. And not just the fleeting thought of "What's the best way to get out of this situation? Oh yeah, quitting" but the nagging sense of hopelessness that has been beating down on me for weeks.
Never so badly have I wanted to throw in the towel as much I do right now. Because every time I think it gets better, it gets worse. And I rationalize my way out of the feeling, but it persists and comes back the next time.
I admit this to you partially because I want encourage meant to keep fighting, but mostly so that you'll tell me it's okay to quit. It's okay to say it's not worth it.
A couple years ago, our church took a step of faith and started a satellite campus about 20 miles west of our current location. They did this in anticipation of the impending housing boom that was foretold. However, after starting the project, the housing market took a downhill slide and the economic situation made a quick recovery seem bleak, at best. So the church decided to shut the doors on its satellite location until things picked back up. The pastor gave his "Address to the Congregation" after the decision was made and in it, he proclaimed, "We are not quitting. We are not giving up on this area. We were following God's plan when we stepped out in faith, and we are following it now by temporarily closing shop." and explained the simple misuse of resources to have a church where nobody lived yet, and wouldn't live for quite some time. The plan is still there, but in the meantime they are going to use the church resources elsewhere and "build the center" until the time is right to continue that pursuit.
Perhaps that it what is happening to me. The future in this current situation seems bleak at best and I'm wasting very very valuable resources. It's not like I'm throwing everything I worked for away. I'm just putting a peg in it until the timing is right again. Is that the same as quitting?
And, well, quite frankly, who cares if it is?
10 months ago